Mother’s Day for the (Foster and Adoptive) Mothers

We’re honored to share this guest post by foster and adoptive mother Jamie C. Finn from Foster the Family.

Dear Mother,

Happy Mother’s Day. It’s there in the greeting: Happy. The description of how you’re “meant” to feel, what this day “should” be. But maybe, for you, this day isn’t only just happy.

This thing that we do is beautiful and broken, joy-filled and heartbreaking. It can feel like work and like calling. It can seem deeply meaningful and like “What’s even the point?”

Being a foster or adoptive mother is ever, always more than one thing at once.

Which means this “happy” day of celebration—Mother’s Day—is the same. For us—for the foster moms, the adoptive moms, the mentor moms—Mother’s Day doesn’t exist without brokenness and loss and a tangle of emotions.

But the mixed bag of this day doesn’t negate what is true.

You deserve a day to be celebrated. What you do is worthy of honor, should be acknowledged, and deserves gratitude.

So to each of you I say: Happy Mother’s Day.

To the woman who’s said goodbye to a beloved child and carries heartbreak through the celebration …

To the woman who’s chosen to enter and reorient a child’s life forever, committing to share love and last names, no matter what may come …

And to the woman who has never experienced pregnancy or birth but is a mother just the same …

To the woman whose child doesn’t call you by the name “mother,” though you have—in every sense—stepped into that role …

To the woman who’s celebrating a child’s recent or soon-to-come reunion with family and feels both joy and sorrow, victory and loss …

And to the woman whose “maybe forever” child is hanging in the balance of a broken system, the hands of a flawed judge …

To the woman who carries fear for her come-and-gone child’s future and fate ….

To the woman who feels such sorrow for her child’s mother that she can hardly feel happy for herself …

And to the woman who holds guilt that she couldn’t do enough, couldn’t shift a child’s story or change the ending …

To the woman who may receive no gratitude or celebration, as her children struggle through this “happy day” themselves …

To the woman who has stepped into a child’s life and story and heart.
Who has decided to love, when she had no reason to have to.
Who has adopted the role of mother, for a short time or forever …

To every foster and adoptive mother, I say to you: Happy Mother’s Day.

Jamie C. Finn is the author of bestselling book, Foster the Family, the founder and President of Foster the Family, the host of the Real Mom podcast, the founder and owner of Goods and Better, and a sought-after speaker for retreats, conferences, and events for foster and adoptive parents.

Her popular social media accounts offer a glimpse into the real life of a foster parent and provide encouragement to thousands of foster parents. Jamie is the mother to 7 children through foster care, adoption, and birth. She lives in Sicklerville, New Jersey, with her husband, Alan.