10 Things Birth Moms Want You to Know

Back in 1985, I chose adoption for my son.

Being a birth mom has changed my life forever.

Regardless of our place on this planet, birth moms share the journey of facing a decision in a pregnancy and letting our love for our child lead the way. The individual circumstances may be very different from culture to culture, but ultimately we come to a place where we feel that what is best for our child is to have a life different than what we can provide. And so we choose adoption.

Here are 10 things every birth mom thinks about, wishes for, and hopes for when choosing adoption—

1. I did not place my child because he was “unwanted.”

I wanted him so much that I continued a pregnancy filled with unanswered questions.

2. I chose adoption because I loved my child.

This parental love allowed me to put his needs before my own when making my choice.

3. This choice affected more than just me.

My child has a grandmother, grandfather, aunts, and uncles who love him as well, and he will be missed.

4. I wish for the day I can look into my child’s eyes again.

I want to tell him I love him one more time.

5. I hope you will teach my child about his beginnings.

I hope he’ll know where he was born and who I am.

6. I hope you’ll teach respect to my child.

I hope you’ll respect me in your discussions.

7. I wish I could be there to answer my child’s questions about adoption.

But I trust you to answer them truthfully as best you can.

8. I will never stop thinking about my child.

He will always be a part of who I am.

9. I would never try to disrupt my child’s new family with you.

I put too much emotion and suffering into making this choice to allow anything to disrupt it—including me.

10. In my eyes, you will always be my child’s mom and dad.

And that thought brings me happiness.


My son’s mother wrote me these words in a letter: “Children are never really ours; they are just entrusted to us for a time by God.” As birth moms, we take our short time with our child very seriously, and it affects us the rest of our lives. We place that final kiss on our baby’s forehead and pass them forward to your waiting arms because we know you will be taking it very seriously too.


Patricia Dischler is an author, speaker, child care professional, and birth mother. 


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